There's another thing in my head. It's the thought that maybe I do have some purpose, and that I know what it is, but that I'm afraid to attempt to live to that purpose for fear that I'm that guy from Amadeus who wants something more than anything but turns out to be really shitty at it.
You know that feeling?
Actually, there are maybe two things, and they might be connected. Sometimes things get in the way of me being able to see them clearly. But I think I need to try them on. It's funny that by now I should be brave enough not care if I fall flat on my face. But of course, I'm not, and I do.
Vaguely, but sincerely, yours, as always.