Friday, April 29, 2005

Or, How To Be A Hypocrite

Me to Ex: Medication is a perfectly valid component of therapy.
Me to Dr. Zen: Oh, I don't know as I need any medication.

Me to Ex: You quit taking it because it's making you fat? Fat is a small price to pay for mental stability, I think.
Me to Dr. Bod: If this stuff makes me fat, forget it.

Me to Chica: It's so frustrating when they can't see that their strategies aren't working!
Me to Ex: I simply cannot believe that my approach is not working here.


Dr. Bod: So what's going on?
Me: Well, I can't really get to sleep, except then I can't wake up, and I don't seem to be able to quit gaining weight. Except I don't really eat. But I can't seem to get my ass in gear to exercise. But I can't really get anything done. I feel like I'm in college, you know, sort of perpetually hungover and with no real sense of purpose or the ability to operate in the world. At all. Mostly. And I cry a lot.
Dr. Bod: Mmm hmm.
Me: So I'm thinking it's my liver.
Dr. Bod: Mmmmmm hm.
Me: Or IsupposeImightbealittledepressed.
Me: But I'm seeing Dr. Zen this afternoon.
Dr. Bod: Good.
Me: And I suppose I could discuss the possibilities with her blah blah blah.
Dr. Bod: Yeeees. Tell her I'll be here until 4.

Me: So I suppose I might be a little depressed and I suppose I've been feeling this way for oh, about 2 years and especially the last two months and I keep crying over, like, paper cups and I have no motivation and all that but I'm not really sure it's all that big of a deal. But I suppose we should discuss whether medication might be in order. Boohoohoo.
Dr. Zen: Sleeping problems?
Me: Uhhhh...yeah.
Dr. Zen: Appetite?
Dr. Zen: Ability to focus?
Me: Huh?
Me: Boohoohoo.
Dr. Zen: Sex drive?
Me: Boohoohoohahaha. That would be a disadvantage considering that I have no where to drive to.
Dr. Zen: So. You're using humor to control the conversation so you don't have to think about being depressed. Does that seem incongruous?
Me: Nope, not really. That's pretty much modus operandi for me. Nothing incongruous about that. I'm sorry, I don't think I'm getting the question.
Dr. Zen: Mmmm hmmm.

Many doctors hummed many hums. I like to bring the arts and sciences together.