Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Buddethodist Girl's Guide to Lent

I'm not Catholic, but I like Lent. (You might have figured out that I am sort of a Global Girl when it comes to world religions. Why stick with just one? How dull.)

This year, I'm giving up The Drama.

I like the idea of getting rid of something. Simplifying, you know? I don't think it's about giving up something you really like, as some sort of sacrificial group therapy. I think it's about giving up something you're sort of addicted to, but that actually gets in the way of your life moving forward.

So this year, I'm giving up The Drama. This might sound easy, but folks, I am The Drama Queen. No, I'm The Drama Empress. Sultana of Drama.

Life is friggin' busy, and that won't stop. I work full time, on top of taking care of the kids part time during the day. But I've also got a lot of support and resources. We've got some interesting personal challenges in the form of the health of some family members--Borderline Personality Disorder Is Fun!--but again, we've got a lot of resources, we've got insurance, and everyone involved is doing what they can to get help and to get healthier. I have more debt than I'd like, but I have the ability to make it better. I'm a crappy housekeeper, and there are a lot of areas in my life I'd like to run more smoothly.

Giving up The Drama won't change any of that. But I think it will change how much of it I can handle, how able to cope I feel. The Drama is tempting. The Drama is the way I learned to cope, back when I didn't actually have any control over the things in my life or what I did with them. But I'm a grownup now. I'm not stuck in my parents' marriage, I'm not trapped by other people's choices--and when those choices affect me, I have the power to follow through with my own reactions.

When you're a kid who can't control your environment or what the adults in your life do around you or to you, The Drama's as good a way of coping as any. But when you're an adult, The Drama leads to The Self Pity leads to The Defiant Inactivity or The Panicked Inactivity. One thing it doesn't lead to is The Zen.

I still want The Zen.

So. The Drama is a nice, comfortable place to be. But it's got to go.

What are you getting rid of?