Mirror, mirror

"'...she dreamed sweet dreams of the handsome prince who would carry her off on his horse to his castle in the clouds.' Oh, brother. You know, honey, you don't need some prince to get a castle. You can build your own castle."

"Nuh-uh, Mama. Princesses can't build castles."

"YES they can!"

"Mama. No. There's no such thing as princesses."

"Oh. Oh, I see."

...

"'It was a sweet little, tiny little house in the woods. My, what an untidy sight met her eyes! The sink was full of unwashed dishes and everything was covered with dust.' Sounds like our house."

"No, Mama. Because that house is very, very little, and our house is BIG!"

"Right. 'Let's clean their house, said Snow White.' Dang, I wish Snow White would come clean our house."

"Ma-MA. There's. No. Such. Thing. As. Snow. White! Because, I saw the book before. That's how I know it."

...

"Mama. If someone was coloring and it was everywhere you would NOT say, 'Oh, what a messy scribbler!' You would say, 'Never worry, you will learn and learn!'"

"You're right, that would be much nicer."

"Yes, otherwise you would hurt someone's feelings."

"True."

[minutes pass]

"Mama. If you hit someone in the head with this bouncy ball, you would NOT say, 'I am going to hit you in the head again and again!' You would say, 'Oh. Oh, no. I am so sorry that I hit you with the bouncy ball. I will not do it again.'"

"Indeed."

"Yes, because it's important to be nice to people."

"Good idea."

[minutes pass]

"Mom. You are a special, special guest today." [I swear I don't watch talk shows or any other type of adult tv around them. I haven't seen Oprah in years. Where do they get this?]