Thursday, May 12, 2005

Dry bones

It's funny how the sun breaks through the clouds and you suddenly notice it and think, Wow. When did it get so foggy out here?

I've been depressed before, but damned if the bastard didn't sneak up on me again. When it happened in my 20s, it was all bad poetry and messy love affairs and lots of cigarettes and a different country. This time around, it's been a slow, creeping paralysis. It isn't that I've been particularly sad, mind you. Oh, I've had moments of sad, but it hasn't been that. It's been more a lack of connection. A disconnection. No focus, no interest in focusing. No buffer between the stress and the breaking point. Little ailments that won't go away. Tired, tired, unceasingly tired. And showering has seemed increasingly over-rated.

Only 2 weeks after going back to Dr. Zen, starting on the Lexapro, and also getting back a diagnosis of slight hypothyroidism (is that even a word?) and starting meds for that, I think I see the sun peaking out from behind those clouds. Maybe I didn't notice them because I was looking for storm clouds, dark thunderheads, when I should have been looking out for a low and spreading haze. Regardless, I think things are looking up.

There are also some exciting developments on the Boy front, which I'll get into soon. And I have some crow to eat regarding the Boy's teacher. I will also tell you about my thrilling visceral massage! Or maybe not. And in any case, it will have to wait, because I have an appointment to go to bed. No, that is nowhere near as promising as it sounds. Dr. Zen has given me homework--Mobility Tracking. Oh, that wacky Dr. Zen, making me work for the Happy.