Ayieeeee! !!!!

Of course just when I'm feeling care-free and sassy because I laughed in the face of West Nile after the Boy's soccer practice and let him--nay, verily ENCOURAGED him--HELPED him, even!--catch tadpoles in the mucky pool that formed at the bottom of the soccer field...

Brain. Eating. Amoebas.

[Obviously, that should be Brain-Eating. Amoebas. There aren't mutant brains running around gobbling up amoebas. But the correct grammar just doesn't properly convey my sense of dread and despair.]

Dear god. Is there no end of things over which I must lie awake at night?

World's Youngest Teenager

Her: NO! [eye roll]
Me: How old are you?
Her: FIVE!
Me: Uh, no. Try again.
Her: [grouchily] Four.
Me: Or maybe thirteen.
Her: [eeeeeeyyyyyeeee rooooooooolllllll]

FU AP

To the authors and editors of "MTV Awards Flourish Despite Britney Bomb"and related stories:

Regarding the above-named article and others published by the AP yesterday and today, I wish to make a complaint.

The performance and the woman are a disaster, I'll give you that. Discussion of her bad performance is more than appropriate. But I'm disturbed that in every AP article I've seen so far, much is made of how "unforgivably" out of shape Britney is, of her "paunch", etc. The woman's body definitely is less "cut" than it used to be, but I'm appalled that the AP is buying into the idea that a woman with the body displayed at that awards ceremony is outrageously out of shape. Frankly, I think most women who have had two children, and one just a year ago, would be happy--and HEALTHY-- to look like that in a bikini.

Way to contribute to the eating disorders of millions of young women, AP.

[Sent this morning.]

Unsaid

Because other people can say it better than I can do.

Shhh!

dear god i'm emailing a member of the opposite sex and obviously freaking out which is even more stupid because, hello, it's an email. how old am i? not old enough.

this is why i never dated. i am a freak of nature and a wonder to behold.

you didn't hear any of this from me.