Tuesday, March 22, 2005

You would think

I am officially my own grandmother. I keep falling asleep in the Boy's bed at 8:00, then waking up at midnight and wandering around aimlessly, going to my own bed and lying there unable to sleep, then finally falling asleep and failing to get up at 5:00 when my alarm goes off. See, now I'm starting to think I should just go to bed with the darned kid at 8:00, set a little watch alarm for 1:00 am, then actually get up and start the day. That seems to be the only way I'm ever going to accomplish anything, ever again, in my life. Oy vey.
So today at the Acupuncturist's, I saw Acupuncturist 2. At some point, I asked about the CD player and whether I could expect more Interludes With Truckers. "Oh boy," she laughed, rolling her eyes. "So did you hear satanic voices too?" "I heard redneck voices," I said, "which is pretty much the same thing." "Ah," said A2, "well. A1 neglected to mention what had happened that day when you were in here. The next day, I was here all alone, and I'd just seen someone who had told me that she'd had to have her house cleared because of some sort of freaky something going on, and all of a sudden, while I'm up front filling out paperwork, I start hearing these weird voices. They kept getting louder and louder, and when A1 came back I totally lost it. I was sure the room was possessed. And she said, 'Ohhhhh yeah...I forgot to tell you...'" I think I laughed so hard I shook a needle loose. I mean, come on, even if you think it's all a crock of shinola--that's pretty funny. Or maybe I just have a warped sense of humor...
Sunday, I went to a gathering of old college friends, including some of my college roommates that I haven't seen in 15 years. I took the Boy, because he wanted to go and other kids were going to be there. As we were leaving, I said, "Oh, B, I'm so excited! You know, these are my friends from when I was Troy's [our neighbors' son] age!" And the Boy said, "Oh, but Mama. I don't really like old people. I mean, I like them, but they freak me out cause they're so wrinkly. I mean, they're nice, they just...have so much...skin." Thank you, dear.

His gems during the party: Of course every time someone new would come in, everyone would yell out happily. Passing through at one of these moments, the Boy shook his head and sighed, "I hate it when all the ladies scream." Later, just before we left and when he was starting to crash, the last of my old roommates came in. Standing in the kitchen, the Boy asked, "Who is that man?" and I said, "Oh, honey, he's one of my old, old friends." The Boy got this completely miserable pout and turned away. I leaned down to him. "Hon," I whispered, "what's going on?" He sniffed, then sighed, "I want old, old friends!" "Well, bud," I laughed, "you have to be OLD first!" He was not appeased.