Sunday, June 19, 2005

Do I look like St. Effing Francis? (Thanks Krup)

What is it? Is it the love for all creation that I radiate? Was it that "I love wildlife" post I wrote a while back? Do I send out an "I watched too much Disney as a child and can't make myself kill things" vibe? Cause whatever it is needs to STOP. NOW.

I opened the garage door this afternoon and something ran across the floor. So I went in search of it. Ha. Right. I actually screamed and shoved my Mom back inside the house cause what the effing ef WAS THAT THING THAT JUST RAN UNDER THE CAR???? Then Whatever It Was starting making some sort of noise. I was pretty sure it wasn't one of the rabbits because it moved too fast. And it didn't sound like a rabbit. So I did what any sane person would do and called my next-door neighbor on the cell phone and asked her to come over and stand in my driveway and see if she could see it under the car while I cowered on the hood.

She brought her teenage son and her dog and we all sort of tiptoed around the cars--nothing. Then I opened the car hoods and dropped them--and Whatever It Was ran out from under the cars and into the pile of junk at the side of the garage and yesIknowIknowmygarageisawreckdon'tbugme. Then there was banging on boxes with rakes and standing on ice chests and so on and so forth and then the thing started keening again and do you know what it turned out to be?

A prairie dog.

I do not live on the bloody prairie, people. Now, in theory, I like those little critters just fine and I always feel sort of bad for them in an "I read Watership Down too many times as an adolescent" sort of way, and they're actually very smart and have a complex social structure etc, etc, but they carry the PLAGUE. Remember the plague?? The Black Death?? Shit. And the thing did...all over the bloody garage. Argh.

I think it's gone now. We left the doors open and hopefully it has returned to nature, but I'm telling you. Did it have to pick a closet hypochondriac's house? Party at Snow White's. Bring your own bleach.