I'm Having Home Depot's Baby

There's a whole heckofalotta lovey goodness floatin' around these days. Yes, I know I have been forsaking y'all while I roam the aisles of Home Depot--rolling around in the carpet display, fondling cooktops, rubbing up against new refrigerators with LOCKS ON THE WATER DISPENSERS thankyouJesus. But it doesn't mean I don't love you, baby. Really. I think about you all the time.

Actually, this week what I've been thinking about all the time is how I am NOT getting any NOOKIE. A lot of cap-locks here, I know. Perhaps a bit of sugar mania from sucking down a late-night Dr. Pepper after hitting Target with my madre and buying more pajamas for my children. How many pajamas do they need, you ask? My house is like the Bermuda Triangle of sleepwear. But I digress. Nookie. Me. Not getting any. That nice little Lexapro sex-drive-dive side effect seems to be wearing off. Which would be, you know, good in most circumstances but is sort of shitty here in Single Motherhood Central. More trips to Home Depot for me, I guess. Let's see how many hormonal urges I can sublimate into architectural design! Wheeee.

Is this too much information? Next week, I'll talk about knobs.