Sorry, ma'am, but that's MY job

I am completely serious about this: My daughter is doing Kegels. She thinks it's hilarious to sit on the potty and start and stop her pee because, she says, "It's going too fast!"

First, this makes for a really damned annoyingly long trip to the potty.

Second, this makes me feel guilty. Aren't I supposed to be the one doing those things? Not that I ever do. I mean, I suppose you should keep in training even if you ain't running in the race, but sheesh, people. Only the 3-year olds have time to sit around on the potty all day.

We went to the park today with our old neighbor who is now our new neighbor a-GAIN, yay, and her kids, and the Boy and Neighbor Girl were making up missions on which to send each other. I got hold of some evidence, one of the slips of paper on which they were writing down their assignments, and this was the Boy's: "Run up to my mom and smack her on the but."

Later he brought his notebook over and asked me to sign the bottom of a piece of paper that already had a lot of writing on it. I did it without thinking. Well, maybe the thought went through my head: "Oh, how sweet, my boy wants my name in his notebook." Then I read what was written above my signature:

My mom is crasee
My mom is werd
Sine here

Beware the dark side, young Jedi.