Thursday, March 23, 2006

cheap and desperate, desperate and cheap

If you haven't heard from me lately, and you have Blogger commenting, it's because STUPID BLOGGER keeps giving me word confirmations, which I type in all nice and purty, and then it gives me a second word confirmation screen WITH NO WORD ON IT. Now that's strong security--but it means you ain't gettin' a comment from me.

Why, why do preschoolers love that damn annoying Elmo? Gah. Grover's the cute one, everybody knows that. Elmo can't even use pronouns correctly. And Mr. Noodle's a cross-dresser. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

At my final therapy session, Dr. Zen asked me whether I thought I might think about dating at some point. "Now don't say anything," she said, "but you know, Internet dating is pretty popular now." Yeeaaaah. Obviously, I know we can make friends over the Internet. I like you guys! But for some reason, the idea of meeting a guy that way? I don't know. I mean, I have friends who met their husbands through Internet dating services, and they're really nice couples, I just have a block. As I told Holly, for some reason I taste desperation when I think of doing it myself. No judgement on anybody else.

But anyway. So I was bored a few weeks ago and thought, aw, screw it, I'll fill out the eHappycrap forms just for giggles. I fill out like a million pages, and then it runs my little matches throughout the ENTIRE country and comes back with....

Four matches. FOUR! So basically, out of the entire country, I could get along with four men.

Yeah, okay, so within the next few days it sent back more matches and some were local. I was talking to my mom on the phone and relating the fun with Internet experience when one popped up. I started reading the profile to her when I got to the "I live for yoga" part. "Oh my God!" I yelled, "It's my Hot Yoga Dream Guy! Ooh! And listen to this! And this! Hot damn, he's perfect! And to communicate with him will cost me....$60. Eh, fuck that."

"PK," said my Mom said, "for $60 you could actually go to the yoga center and sign up for classes and check out ALL the hot yoga guys. And don't say 'fuck', honey."

And that, people, is why my mom will fit in just fine around here.