Okay, we covered the p*nis and the v*gina, but who said anything about JEWELRY??

So. Third day of school. The Boy comes home, and he finds this costume jewelry ring that his sister has, and he nabs it.

"What," I scold, "are you doing taking your sister's play jewelry?"

"But Mooooooom," he moans, "I NEED it to pay my DEBT to NATASHA!"

Again, so.

Natasha just happens to be the sweet young thing who broke my boy's heart last year. He had the major first-grade crush on her, and she just adored him--for about a month. THEN the little hussy took up with the boy down the street. About the same time that the Boy's best friend in class (up to that point) also decided to hang out with the same other boy. Okay, such is life, and it wouldn't have mattered a speck to the Boy because hey, he liked the boy down the street, too. Except that Boy Down the Street used his power for EVIL. As in, everyone gang up and be mean to my kid. Oh, there was much deep breathing and crying and moping about, I tell you--and that was me, thank you very much. It only helped a little that Other Boy's mother was in an absolute state of mortification over the whole thing and practically started wringing her hands whenever she saw me.

Well, I guess looking on the bright side, I have a very resilient child, because it would seem that today at recess, he told some other boys that he has a crush on Natasha. And of course, those boys immediately went and told her. And somehow the result of all this, my Boy says, is that she is now his "master" and he owes her a debt that can only be paid in jewelry.

WTF??? If this is the beginning of a pattern of the types of girls my kid's going to go for, please shoot me now.

"Well," I said, "I'm not so sure I like this whole plan. First off, Natasha treated you pretty poorly last year, and I don't think I like her demanding anything from you."

"MOTHER!" he retorted, "That is SO unfair. LAST year Natasha was just a first grader! Just six! What do six-years-olds know? NOTHING. NOW she's SEVEN! Seven-years-olds know EVERYTHING!" And then he made that exasperated "sheesh do you comprehend NOTHING" noise.

I think I need a drink. It's gonna be a loooong puberty.