Thursday, December 02, 2004

Only the Lonely

You'll be happy to hear that no busboys were harmed in the making of this month's set of hormones.

I seem entirely unmotivated this week and am procrastinating like mad. Sure sign that I'm feeling overwhelmed. Looks like there's a chance I'll get to tag along on the next Paris roadshow, if the budget allows, so all those years learning French might not have been for naught. We'll see. Not holding my breath.

I am feeling a bit down on myself tonight because of my complete failure to accomplish anything this week. And I think I'm going through a lonely phase. Most times, I really don't mind being single; I have so many personal and parental challenges to address that frankly, I'm rather glad to be able to focus solely on myself and my kids, without having to take anyone else's thoughts or needs under consideration. But now and then, it gets to me and I just think, how on earth will I ever find a relationship? Having children puts a whole different pile of baggage on the luggage rack, there. Oh, blah blah blah. Anyone got some cheese to go with my whine?


Sarahlynn said...

I love my daughter to bits and pieces, but I don't know if I could do it alone. I have great admiration for what you do.

Elizabeth Blair York said...

There's something to be said for sex and love and magic. And craving it. Being a busy mom and doing great at your job are amazing and busy things but they aren't sex and love and magic.

It's like Bear said the other day. He wanted chocolate, but I wasn't about to let him have any so I gave him some peanut butter and honey. He liked it and then asked for chocolate. I said, "Bear - you've had your sweet".

He said "And it was good. But now I still want chocolate flavor, too."

I was a single mother for 10 days last month and I almost collapsed afterwards. If ever anyone should have some magic to balance out the rest....

Good luck with the Paris trip!

Psycho Kitty said...

Thanks so much for the encouragement, both of you. Really, I am extremely fortunate in the parenting arena because the kids' father is so involved--we share parenting time, we're friendly, we have no problem doing things together if it's the right thing for the kids--so by no means do I mean to imply that I'm suffering under this huge burden. It just complicates things a lot when I think about the possibility of a new relationship. First, my stepfather was a jerk, so I'm overly cautious in many ways. Second--and this is the kicker--I have a hard time imagining being with someone who isn't their father. Isn't that dumb? (And probably a big red flag that dating is the *last* thing I should be thinking about right now.)