Friday, April 07, 2006

No more Ms. Nice Bitch

Nice: pleasant or pleasing or agreeable in nature or appearance; socially or conventionally correct

You know what makes me nuts? When people tell me how "nice" I am. Usually, this word gets bandied about in reference to my family situation. So my husband kinda treated me like ass and then cheated on me and left me with two kids but guess what? I still like the guy. He drives me crazy half the time, and I know he has a lot of issues to work through, but despite that, I think he's a decent person and a good father, and getting along is more important to me than making him pay for hurting me. But please, please--don't tell me how nice I am for feeling that way. I might have to slap you.

I used to be nice. I was brought up to be nice. Very nice. Southern girl, ladylike nice. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Play nice. Don't do x,y, or z; it isn't nice.


I hope that I am a kind person. I try to be. I hope that I am fair. I hope that I am decent. I hope that I am considerate, and patient would be good. But sweet Joseph, nice? Nice people don't get angry, and they don't say things people don't want to hear. Nice people don't refuse others. Nice people finish last, don't they? It isn't that they aren't faster than everyone else, but winning might make the others feel badly. That wouldn't be nice.

I do not maintain a warm relationship with the Ex because I'm nice. I do it because I believe that we're all the same. We're all part of the same spirit, is what I think, and hurting him because he hurt me would be hurting myself. I don't want to make my heart black with bitterness. I spent enough years carrying around that shit to know better. I don't want my children to learn from me to close themselves up, seal themselves off, or lie down in the middle of the road. I want my heart and my soul to be free, and you can't have that when you chain yourself to a grudge. To make the assumption that I do any of the things I do because I want to be nice is a bit of an insult. I don't feel obligated, and I don't feel put upon. I am not willing to include his current love interest in family events because of some need to be nice. I do it because he and I are part of the same family, and always will be, and as long as whomever he's with treats our children well, then so is that person. Believe me, if he ever gets involved with someone who doesn't meet that criteria, there will be words said and most likely asses kicked.

Nice reeks of passive agression. Nice feels weak, and watered down. Nice is a word for objects, not for people. It is not a compliment, at least not in my book.