Sunday, January 02, 2005

Therapy Now?

Your call: Save for college or for the therapist. The following is the actual conversation that took place in the car on the way to church today. I'm. Not. Kidding.

Me: Oh, look, there's the vet's. I need to take kitty in for his shots.
The Boy: Cause if he got rabies, he'd die, right?
Me: Uh, right. That's why he gets shots. Plus that's why we keep him in the house, so he'll be safe.
The Girl: Safe!
B: But if he did get rabies, the vet would make him better, right?
Me: Uhhh...
B: Cause vets don't kill animals, right, they help animals.
Me: Uhhh...
G: Hep animohs!!
Me: Well, honey, vets do help animals, but if an animal is very, very sick and the vet can't make the animal better and the animal is suffering, then the vet would ... um ... help it ... to ... uh ... die without hurting ... it. Much. At all. [See, this is where I shoulda just lied.]
B: [sounding slightly panicked now] What??
Me: I mean, only if the animal was really in pain, because it wouldn't be kind to keep it alive if it was really in a lot of pain. [What kind of idiot is this woman, you're asking yourself. Right?]
B: But ... but ... I don't want the vet to kill kitty!!
Me: Honey, the vet won't kill kitty. The vet will give kitty his shots so that he won't get sick. Kitty's probably going to be around for a long time.
B: [Sniffling] But, when he dies, will we bury him??
Me: Well, ummm ...
B: In our yard?
Me: Umm ... you know, we could have him cremated and then put him in our yard, if that's what you want, but ...
B: [Decisively] I want to keep him.
Me: You ...
B: I want to keep him in my room, after he dies.
Me: Ewww, honey, no, you can't do that.
B: Why not?
Me: Well, honey, dead animals get ... yucky.
B: Well, then, can we get him stuffed?
Me: Stuffed? You want to have him stuffed?
B: Yah, when he dies I want to get him stuffed so I can keep him on my bed and take him in the car. Or we can just get his fur made into a pillow.
Me: ...
Me: Wow.
Me: ...
Me: Um, we ... um ... wow. Well, honey, people do stuff animals sometimes, but they aren't like your stuffed friends -- they're like, [making scary taxidermy face] you know, like the animals at the museum, all ... grr.
B: That's fine. I want to stuff him like that. He can be like a statue and I'll keep him in my room. He'll be fluffy.
Me: Riiight.
G: Fuffy.


Laura said...

I think you can just get him a copy of Hotel New Hampshire and he'll be fine. That is too funny! My daughter thinks we can dig our pets up from the back yard and they'll be fine . . .

Psycho Kitty said...

So between you, me, our kids, Stephen King, and John Irving, we're all set! :)

Krupskaya said...

Oh my God, this is hilarious. I just had a conversation like this with John the other day, about a bug that had been injured so I just wrapped it up and flushed it. The look on his face almost made ME cry.

And the comments from G...LMAO.

Jessica said...

Hello, there - this had me laughing out loud at my desk....I LOVE your daughter's input!

Wanna Be PhD said...

Yeah, stuffing my cat once he dies, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I have thought about making a scarf out of him, too. My mom ownes a fox that's made into a scarf. I'd like tat 'cause his fur is so nice and fluffy.