Though it might not be apparent from my mouth or my Scorpio Bitch demeanor, I am a Christian (of the Love Thy Neighbor variety, not the You're Going To Hell variety), and I do rely on my spiritual beliefs to a great extent, to get me through weeks like last week, for example. Two of the statements about faith that ring especially true for me are 1) Maya Angelou's comment about being a "practicing Christian", in which she said that anyone who says they're a Christian is full of crap; the best you can hope for is to be practicing the tenants laid out by Christ, because we're all screwing it up all the time and we just have to keep trying; and 2) Anne Lamott's assertion that all prayers can be boiled down either to "Help me, help me, help me" or "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
The ex is out of the facility and sounds incredibly better; today when I spoke with him and asked how he was doing he actually said "Good" instead of "Waiting for death" which is has been the gist of the answer for the past month or so. And over this past week, a person I've never met, a person who has helped me through a lot of crap over the past year, and a person who I haven't seen in months all contacted me to let me know they were thinking of and praying for all of us. Being someone who does believe in a Higher Power and in the divinity inherent in all life, that just meant a hell of a lot to me. And it even kind of helped me to cut myself some slack about my reaction to the whole thing, which I've been beating myself up over.
And tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I am thankful. I'm thankful for my beautiful babies, and the fact that their father is still alive, and my mom (even though she voted for Bush, ach), and the Chica, and my friends, and the Marshmallow Cat who keeps my cold feet warm at night now, and (god help me) Starbucks (oh, leave off), and my job (even though I'm freaking behind again), and just everything. Oh! And Bailey's! It's Bailey's season now.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!